I’m not even in love.
Got a new lover this just in
Why do so many fall is the question
Long distance is what we’ve become
To bad we never said we are done
Now these endless roads leave stress
But our love is still the best
Better than the rest
At first we were a mess
Always giving each other less
Until there is nothing left
But I leave you with the gift
With my heart on my sleeve and my mind not seen
I give you my open ears and constant tears
So you can configure your thoughts into emotion
Keep your body in a steady motion. Keeping in mind who really is inlove with you
Who had the passion to keep your world in a constant rotation of joyous days
Who has built a foundation to keep you steady with real love.
Keep in mind now I will be there for you no matter what the conflict
You hold this part of me
This gift
More than memories and moments can ever hope to be
A solid thing that lasts for ever
Being inlove and having love for you means that I can utter the words with confidence and pride that people are afraid. I just hope you accept them.
Listen to me as gather the confidence that took me years and 5 poems to say
“I love you”
“I love you”
Those words dance on my tongue giving a sensation my heart has been feeling.
My tongue bring those words to life give them meaning again
From the people that said it so much with out true meaning.
I understand now. How much it takes just to admit it to some one, because we are just are all cold people
Cornered in our castles of pride. Admitting we like some one is easy but this confession stuff is hard.
But I admit it
I hope the words hit
Something you won’t miss
Which after I need I kiss
“I love you”
Stream of Consciousness
I’m so persistent with my unproductiveness. Procrastination to the T. Always coming out with great work not best. Living life like a mess gives me constant stress but at least I’m living. Intelligence is only a giving. Too smart to know I don’t have to waste time on silly things but that only gives measurement to my laziness and the scale is tipping over. Getting too behind, losing my good girl cover.
Failed attempt #1
As the sun flows through my window and my breath patterns sink low
I envision us sinking into the clouds of lust
Trusting you with my every nerve
Leaving lasting impressions on your skin
Baby you are my sin
Gathering each other in blankets of pleasure
Using us like it’s our only leisure
Have you ever had that feeling where you have been stressed for so long and finally it has all been lifted. You can do what you want say what you want and be who you want. Not worrying about what people say, getting in trouble, or worrying about how others feel. It’s just you and your best interest. It sounds alittle selfish but it is a awesome feeling. I feel free.
Sickness
I’ve been sick lately, (like a real actual thing the doctors just haven’t officially diagnosed me yet.) and I wrote a poem of what I feel like I’m going through. ~~~~~~
It’s just another word to explain my recent problems to why my has been so hard to solve then
Constantly reminding me to keep quiet as the things irritating me choke my throat leaving a rock of a lump in it seeping down to my stomach making a pool big enough to make me avoid others so the won’t hear my tiny screams of anxiety. Of moodiness. Of what should’ve been something I could’ve brushed off the shoulder but no that lump dreams to be a boulder to make it worse. I smile to help people believe I’m not cursed from the sickness. Don’t leave because of the sickness. Those tiny screams still escape from the gaps of my teeth because of the sickness. It’s hard for any one too understand. They think I just have a diabolical plan to ruin every relationship I have. They think it’s something I can control. But no. Words fly around like hummingbirds, it’s body is there for a quick second but it’s meaning to never be seen. Nobody listens to my words lately just catch them without meaning. Getting irritated at them as irritated I feel. I wonder if I’ll every get better. Better as in real conversations with my mom where everything isn’t a one way street of her just talking towards me like I am a brick wall not allowed to speak back. Better as in I could go back to weirdom with my friends and I don’t have to worry about those screams gathering screams and the pulsation of irritation of why don’t you understand my pain. Better as in not worrying about being sick. Sad thing is that this sickness is very real. Physically I’m drained to the very bone, yearning for more stamina to keep going. Emotionally I am I indubitably unstable that i might shatter into enough tiny pieces that no one can build me back up again. I just hope a doctor can diagnose me fast enough so I don’t think I’m on the brink of losing everything.
I’ve realized…
That it doesn’t matter that he is with someone else now. Especially my friend. Because even when we were together I’ve gotten so used to the fact that I wasn’t the only person making him truely happy. I just hope we are all doing the right thing.
Weed
is just another temporary escape and relaxer. I think about every time I smoke it, I wonder “why am I doing this to myself.” I mean its illeagal, does things to your head (atleast my head) and I’m not even the “legal age” to smoke yet. Then I get done smoking and I’m sobber and think “Oh thats why.” It makes me happy even for that second, and it does smell super good (lol).
For my whole life weed has been a constant reemedy. My mom (alot) and dad (occaisonally) smoke it. My best (and realest) friend smokes it. Other people who don’t smoke it looks at me and says “its bad”, “it makes me stupid” “everyone does it, be different” (alot of people in my area smoke), or even say “God doesn’t will you to smoke”. Personally I will argue with those points and prove them wrong, but sometimes I do agree.
Weed does gives you the urge to sin (depends on who you are). Weed does make you feel better. Weed does kill brains cells but every thing you do kills brain cells. Weed is only temporary but there is endless amounts of it. Weed does change people and make them more agravaited (depends on who you are).
This is just a endless war in my head. Until I know its right or wrong, I’m not going to quit.
(Source: lanatwistedmind)
